I love all my kids to the edge of the known universe and back about a bazillion times. Dacey, Connor, and Tucker don't live with me, but I miss them constantly. Landry and Ryli, however, are with me 24/7, with the exception of visitation weekends. Six hours Saturday and Sunday, the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends of the month. Then, I surrender them to their grandparents so they can visit their father. Noon until 6:00 on those weekends, I'm kidless.
At first, it was a lot to take in. I spent each six hour stretch worried that their father would take them and not surrender them. From June 17 until August 23, I had them all the time. Following the advice of my attorney, I kept them, save for a few outings that they made with Memaw and Pepaw. I supplied them with the current temporary protective order until we finally went to court August 19 and I was granted the two year order of protection for myself and the kids. The judge put supervised visitation because of his past behaviors.
The first several weekends damn near drove me nuts. I was a mess. After years of threats, it wasn't surprising that I had a bit of trouble at the start. Then, they'd get home, and all was right with the world again, until the next time. It was a tad maddening the things Ryli would come home saying. She'd tell me how much daddy loved and missed me, and that we could get back together if I'd promise to be nice to him. It was hard not to laugh, especially when Landry would weigh in saying "Daddy is a jerk to Mommy". I don't talk about him like that... that was his spontaneous reaction to what Ryli was saying.
Then, he just started buying them pretty much anything that they wanted when he was with them. He successfully undermined the months I'd spent breaking them from expecting something ever time they entered a store. He stopped that, probably because it was costing him too much. He just tells them to ask me.
Now, I'm used to the visitation. I actually look forward to it. Its nice to be able to get things done without them under foot. I even get a nap in from time to time. I still fret, and I think that I always will. That just comes with motherhood, I think. I'll just continue to do what I do during my little reprieves.