Showing posts with label Bipolar. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bipolar. Show all posts

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Mippy Manor's Week in Review: Solo Edition

So, yeah, this week has been eventful, to say the very least. Last weekend, I got an e-mail about a parenting class being offered that takes eight weeks. I took the exact same course last year when we had first moved in, but I opted to retake it, as I was very distracted last time. I also had a very booked up first of the week going into Monday.

Monday came in a little too much on the noisy side. Thunderstorms started rolling through before Monday was very old. From one-ish until the sun finally came up, I had two bed-hogs in bed with me. That, I'm used to, but the sudden downpours pelting the windows, flashes of lightening, and booming thunder made it into a long night, as each hour saw them both wake up at least once every hour, and never both at the same time. That led to an exhausted mommy, as we slept straight through all my alarms. Ryli had a 8:30 appointment, which I needed to reschedule. Apparently, it was happening a lot that morning, as the office manager told me I was not the first parent to call in that morning.

The rescheduled appointment gave me the time I needed to finish the house off for our housing inspection on Tuesday. I got downright anal-retentive on the finishing touches. I also had two kids begging to help. It was very nice.Our water was delivered early, so Ryli helped put that up, and then the inspectors showed up right on time. That was the best part, as they gave me a two hour window. We passed with flying colors. I spent the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon dealing with an unanswered phone call I'd gotten Monday night. That was fun. (and that sentence is dripping with sarcasm)

We went up to the parenting class early enough to get the mail. There was a beaten and battered envelope from the housing authority right on top, complete with the tape to hold the envelope together. The letter was dated April 3, yet here it was April 14 and I was just getting it. The re-certification appointment was inside; April 15 at 12:30. A half hour before my appointment for my meds, and on the opposite side of the county. No brainer there, I choose instantly which appointment took priority, continuing to have a roof over our heads.

The parenting class was great. Yes, it was the same thing as last year, but I was by far more "there" than I was last year. What can I say, I was unencumbered by the baggage of the last go. Ryli and Landry had a blast playing with the other kids, and afterwards, they served dinner.

We got home, and I got them settled with bedtime snacks and a movie while I got a hold of Cynthia to run by the change in plans by her. Luckily, she had no problem moving everything up and driving so much further than originally planned. Having that settled, I opted to head to bed with the kids so I could get up early to do my paperwork, wrangle documents, and reschedule appointments.

Wednesday morning, I woke up with the start of a migraine, so as I ate a breakfast of ibuprofen, I set to work printing out and wrangling up documentation while simultaneously filling out the packet of paperwork. When I got everyone up and dressed, we retrieved Ryli's purse of Littlest Pet Shops she'd accidentally left behind at parenting class, and went out to wait for Cynthia and Phoebe.

I sensed as soon as we got the car seats loaded and into the car that this was not going to be an easy trip. That migraine was intensifying, and I was starting to think that if we made it all the way to DHA without me getting sick, it would be nothing short of miraculous. Those fears were founded, but due to accidentally taking a wrong exit and a hiccup in Cynthia's Garmin getting back on the interstate, we ended up being on a street close to a gas station when I said "We NEED to pull over". After a deposit into the gas stations garbage, off we went.

The rest of Wednesday was pretty uneventful. I made it to the appointment and was re-certified, we hit Kroger up, and had a leisurely night at home. The migraine vanished after the garbage can incident, but it was threatening to return, so once again, I went to sleep with the kids.

Thursday and Friday more or less bled one into the other. Landry has had quite the growth spurt, however. The one pair of boots that he wore every time we went further than the neighbors' were taken off outside, and vanished. This morning, I went to put on his tennis shoes for the first time in a few weeks, and they didn't fit. So, when Memaw picked them up at noon, I got to explain what had happened to the boots that he loved so much, and showed that he was in fact going through a growth spurt. Ryli now has an inch, tops, on her little brother. 

I have already run to the store on my quest for new shoes. I am now going to re-watch Sunday's episode of "Game of Thrones", followed by a re-watch of the two previous episodes of "Wolf Hall" and just take it easy. The week ahead is destined to be a fun one, just hopefully not so overloaded.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Life With/Life Without: Bipolar

I would like to begin this week's edition with a sincere apology that this is a day late. Holidays have always thrown me for a loop, and with the little four legged house guest, things have been a bit hectic.

Bipolar... when they first started knocking that around as a possible diagnosis, I was scared. I didn't really know what was worse, that, or the diagnosis of Borderline Personality which was also being batted about. I don't know how many different therapists and psychiatrists I saw in total while I was avoiding my label. I was a doctor hopper in that regard. The only thing anyone nailed down was a long ignored case of ADD, which looking back explained a LOT.

When I moved to Texas, I eventually got sick and tired of all it. The being able to stay awake for days at a time, the obsessive thoughts, feelings of grandeur and simultaneous inadequacy and on the other hand, the paralyzing depression, borderline agoraphobia, and everything else that accompanied my lows. The worst was the mixes. Feeling hyper and cocky while being depressed at the same time is hell on earth.

In Killeen, I finally got my official diagnosis. I actually answered every question on the questionnaires and tests honestly. I hid nothing. The diagnosis came down, and I started going to a support group and taking my medication. I found out I was pregnant with Ryli before my third appointment, and went off everything. I returned to Kerrville and X was not a fan of medication.

The next few years, I somehow remained blind to the fact that I was still going through the hell of a gigantic mixed episode. I occasionally went back on medication, but X was always there to complain about how different the prescriptions made me. He would take them away or not let me go back for my refill.

The break up happened, and I soon realized that I was so depressed that I had no backbone. When I started to "come out of it" and the backbone would start to return, X would pitch a fit. If I am without my backbone, I am far easier to manipulate and flat out lie to. 

I am still medicated, and things keep getting better. I was off for a time when I had to cancel an appointment and then wait to be rescheduled. Things started to go sideways. I finally got rescheduled, and things started getting right on track again. The fact that I got back on my meds and stuck with them through everything is what I credit with a lot of the new start that Ryli, Landry, and I have been on since I finally made the break for good from X.